Queen.Of.Hearts

my misery

2009-04-29T13:23:00.002+08:00

l0ve is something so fragile

tat the slightest mistakes

may hurt y0u or me..

but regardless of how much u hurt me,

i l0ved u unconditionally..

its starting to hurt real bad..

have u ever been by my side?

thru my toughest times..

the truth is...

NEVERR!

i d0nt understand the l0ve u have for me..

but wat i get back is n0thing comparable to my l0vee for y0u..

& there's a fear in me..

growing rapidly..

if ever there'd be a day.. whereby my love for u turns into hatred..

c0s of all y0ur foolish behaviour..

in the end,

its me losing out anyway rite?

i gave up so many things in life for u,

which has turned me into this person i'm not..

& yet unhappy..

like a sour grape..

will love never be how i dreamt it wud be?

~hurt&miserable.princessviky~

2009-04-29T13:08:00.001+08:00

:)

2009-04-18T13:41:00.003+08:00

Meet My Cuteseyy Baby Princess!

*winks*

em0tions

2009-04-16T16:24:00.002+08:00

its getting more & more painful day by day...

i am a very different person n0w..

& its affecting my life badly.. esp my l0ve life..

why d0 ppl only see their own problems as the biggest problems?
& why doesn't tat asshole realise that its becos of wat he fucking hell did b4 which has made me into the person i am now..

i dunno how to make myself feel better..
i dunno how to take life easier..
i dunno how to accept my life this way..
i dunno how to stop crying..
i dunno how get rid of the pain within me..

I dunno wats the point of living such a difficult life..
Everyone says, life is short so live life to the fullest..
My life is short to..
BUT how the hell to live life to the fullest?
this FUCKIN painful life..

I feel..

miserable
lonely
confused
mentally unstable
faking a brave & happy front to some
emotionally extremely unstable

My birth was the biggest mistake..

wHat's my life like n0w?

2009-04-15T20:42:00.002+08:00

Hmm.. How do i begin..

I no longer live the kinda fast paced entertainment filled happy life i used to..

My dad had a stroke on 18 November 2008..

few days after the stroke his condition got worst..

we were called up at 2am and was told to go to the hospital..

& was informed that anything might happen to my dad..

he was unconscious.. for a pretty long time..

i stayed at the hospital with my mum or aunt the next few days..

it was the toughest most mentally torturing time of my life..

many thoughts were running in my head..

"will i lose my dad?"

"will daddy ever talk to us ever again?"

"w0n't i be able to make my dad proud at all education wise?"

"won't he call me his little baby again?"

*tears*

basically.. changi hospital sucks..

& i was working there at that point of time..

i told my mum to transfer him to SGH..

& we did..

he slowly started to gain consciousness..

and stuff like tat..

but as of today.. its 6 months since my daddy talked to anyone...

he's bed bound..

gets angry..

moves his left hand..

coughs, sneezes, yawns..

besides tat.. nothing..

well, how has this affected my lifestyle?

I'm my daddy's care giver..

i take care of him..

feed him (NG tube feeding)
change diapers
bed bath
medication
injections

now my life is not about me..

but h0w im gonna make my dad get better..

life sucks.

a visit t0 the doctors..

2009-04-15T17:37:00.002+08:00

acc0rding to the doctor...

i am dehydrated.. (yes i am..)

& if i have n0t gotten my peri0d..

i gotta go back for a pregnancy test???

WTF!!!

its bloody food poisoningg.
stupid doctor.

2009-04-15T11:25:00.003+08:00

this is exactlyy h0w im feeling rite now. SICK!

i went to beD at 2.30am.. & w0ke up at 4.30aM..

guEss whyyy? fo0d poisOning. i threw up till mY stomach feels soree

& i am feeling so damn blo0dy weak rite now..

:( this is the only thing i hate going thru.. and now.. haiz.. Food Poisoning.

i dun feel like adding on more.. once im better ill be back..

& i'm n0t gonna eat today..

HMPH!

happy me~

2009-04-15T00:32:00.003+08:00

today was alrite. pretty stressful like every other day. had some arguements. had to rush like hell to BBDC...

but guess wat..

i g0t 70/70 for BTE and passed with 100%!

hehehe!

i'm still excited..

and bloody hell i left BBDC at 10.15pm and just reached homee.

*tireddd*

& i miss him..

VERY MUCHH.. :(

ps: i shall write about my life at present in my next post..